Heaven and Hell
by Sophiacharlotte
Summary: What if everything you ever wanted was standing in front of you, but you just could not take it? Caryl, non AU, short story. Trigger warning first chapter.
1. Chapter 1

AN: this is a new short story, I've had the idea for awhile, but worried it would be too much like a previous story I had done. Serpentine fire convinced me to post. Let me know what you think :) Trigger warning for child abuse in the first chapter.

I do not own or profit from The Walking Dead

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chapter 1

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

When it had happened to Daryl as a child the doctors had brushed it off. His daddy lost in a alcohol induced rage for god know what, had taken advantage of Merle being gone for the night. So savage had been the beating, his daddy had taken off his belt and began whipping Daryl's back with it, only for Merle to get home and discover what was happening. Merle had charged the old man and knocked him off his feet. Daddy had lost control of the belt (a gaudy old thing, with a hideous large buckle) and it had whipped around his small body, hitting his groin through his thread bare jeans. The prong of the belt buckle had impaled in his groin. He'd screamed as Merle had knocked out his daddy.

Merle had raced him to the hospital once he'd pulled the belt out of his little leg. The prong removed, Daryl had started to bleed profusely. Merle had made jokes at how lucky Daryl was that it had missed all the important parts. In truth Merle had been worried about how much blood Daryl was loosing, and the way his face was becoming more and more pale.

The usual excuses had been made. Merle had claimed it was a hunting accident this time. The doctors and nurses had been skeptical but had long since stopped trying to get the boys to tell them the truth about their various and multiple suspicious injuries.

The doctors said Daryl had been lucky, the belt buckle prong had only nicked his femoral artery. If it had been punctured or tore, Daryl more than likely would have bleed to death before Merle got him to the hospital.

Two nights he spent in the hospital, alone, at the age of eleven. It had been a relief to Daryl to get away from his daddy, but he wondered were Merle was. Why he had left him all alone. When Merle had finally come to pick him up, he'd told Daryl that Daddy had drank himself to death. Suffocated on his own vomit, in a drunken stupor. They were free.

Throughout the years, he'd noticed problems with that leg. The inside of the leg, would tingle, like a pins and needles sensation,or become almost painful, like the whole damn inside of his leg was asleep and he just could not wake it up.

Daryl never bothered to tell Merle. Although Merle was now his guardian he knew information like this would be shrugged off. The asshole would just tell him to shake it off. High school biology had given him the answers he'd been seeking. The area in his leg, that had held his femoral artery, where the prong had impaled him, was also filled with nerves. So, he assumed the belt prong must also injured a nerve. No big deal, or so he thought, until he realized it really was a big deal.

He had not wanted to go to Sex Ed class in high school. The thought of sitting there, listening to one of his old decrepit teachers explain the birds and the bees had been horrifying to Daryl. Even if the school separated the boys and girls so the kids would feel more free to ask questions. No one asked any questions. What the other boys had done, was sit and snicker while Mr Kopel the gym teacher, blushed and stammered his way through explaining about how "boners where natural," and everybody had wet dreams.

Daryl hadn't.

Not once, had he even come close. Becoming excited at inopportune times just did not happen to him. In fact it never happened to him. Not at once.

He swiped Merle's never ending stash of porn. Nothing. He tried random hook ups at bars when he was older. Nothing happened. The desire was there, well somewhat anyway, he'd never been very excited about hooking about with random women. But he felt those urges just like everyone else. He wanted to have sex, he just couldn't. He wasn't gay, he knew that for a certain.

It was the story of his life, nothing seemed to work out for him. His own body turned against him, and his traitorous god damn dick just did not work.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: hello, another chapter, a little smut :) let me know what you think.

I do not own or profit from The Walking Dead

Chapter 2

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

THE PRISON

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Carol was killing him. Daryl was certain of that. He had never wanted anyone as much as he wanted her.

Everyday, he watched her and everyday his lust only grew. To the point that everyday he spent with her was a tortuous exercise in frustration. He wanted the one thing he could not have, and he wanted it with Carol.

So he kept his distance. It hurt, in fact it killed a part of him to leave with Michonne on expeditions to find the Governor. But he had no choice, the only thing that offered him any kind of relief was distance. The more the better, although none of it stopped the ache, the longing he had, to be with Carol. He spent his nights on the road, driven mad by his thoughts of Carol, and he imagined with longing how soft her skin would be when he touched her, how she would smell, how she would taste.

More than once he had been determined to explain himself to her. Offer his heart up on a silver platter. Maybe he couldn't be with her in the traditional sense, but if Carol would give him the chance to love her like Daryl knew he could he would move heaven and earth to make her happy. He would give her whatever she needed.

But his insecurities always got the better of him. She deserved a real man, one who could give her anything she needed. One who could drown in her eyes while he moved inside of her.

He resolved to stay at the prison, if nothing else, he needed to be with her. Protect her, know she was safe. More than once he cursed faith that gave him all the desires any man would have, but no why to satisfy them. He wished without hope that his desires for Carol would manifest themselves in arousal, even if only to relieve the unfulfilled tension that ravaged his body with his own hand.

The night before he was to leave on the medication run, he went looking for her. She'd been so distant lately, lost in thought and more often pain etched her face. It broke his heart. He'd had enough, he needed to provoke some of the passion he knew simmered beneath the surface of Carol's still waters. He'd been surprised but what he'd found, she sat dejected, crying, in the prison courtyard. A water barrel tipped at her feet spilling the water.

He grabbed her hand, pulled her to her feet. Travelling to the side of the prison, a small area that was behind a storage shed, free from the prying eyes of the tower.

"You ain't alright." He growled, wishing for the life of him he knew what to say. To make any sense of the chaos that surrounded them.

He put his hand up to shush her, as she started to deny it. "You ain't alright.." he said again. "Tell me what ya need."

Those eyes, staring at him, the blue so clear so beautiful. So surprised at his insight.

"I need,...I need.." she whispered and he tilted her chin up.

"What?" He asked softly.

"I need to feel something, anything." She said with her head bowed, then look him square in the eye. "I need you."

He could no more deny her what she needed then he could refuse to take his next breath. His lips were on hers, and suddenly he was walking her back, towards the wall of the prison. His busy hands popping open the buttons of her blue shirt, and he quickly pushed it off her shoulders. As his hands came around to unlatch he bra, his mouth was tracing the tender skin of her neck, as she shivered and thread her fingers through his hair. He was in both heaven and hell.

He was unzipping her pants next, her back now arched gracefully against the brick wall. He groaned deep in the back of his throat, begging his body, for once to cooperate with him. It did not.

His hand found it's way, into her open zipper, easing his fingertips past the hem of her panties he felt her abdomen contract in a suppressed shiver. Then he was surrounded by her warm wet heat. He moaned, his body so filled with tension he felt ready to combust. Sliding, his fingers through her wet slit, he could only imagine what it would feel like to have his cock surrounded by that heat.

His fingers slid along her folds for how long, he wasn't not sure. She was shaking in his arms. Her back arched gracefully, offering it seemed her breasts up to his mouth. His teeth bit down lightly on her nipple and she let out a scream. He moved then and began fucking her with his fingers. Her hips coming up to meet his hand, every time his finger thrust deep inside of her, he imagined it was his cock inside her, filling her, loving her. Her fingers tightened in his hair. He could feel her become more tense, so he slid his thumb up to press on her clit, and felt her fall to pieces in his arms.

He held her for so long as her breathing slowed and her body stopped shaking, and then, when she made a move to go for his belt, he stepped back.

"That was for you, what you needed. " he whispered as he helped her put her shirt and bra back on and set her clothes to rights. "When we get back, I'll...I'll tell you what I need." He murmured praying she would not reject him, once she knew the truth. He needed to be with her, whatever way he could. He just hoped it would be enough. He pressed a kiss to her lips and walked away.

He never got the chance to have that talk. When he got back, Carol was gone and everything went to hell.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I have a very busy week coming up. I'll update when I can :)

I do not own or profit from The Walking Dead

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

ON THE ROAD after TERMINUS

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Daryl was breaking, he knew that. Every part of him ached with failures that seemed to pour down on his shoulders.

You have to feel it she said. Right now all Daryl wanted was to feel anything. Anything but guilt, and this ever present sense of failure that would not let him rest.

The barn was a resting spot only, they needed to keep going, but he wasn't sure how much longer he could go on, before he exploded. Before it all fell apart. He needed something, he wasn't sure what.

He was lying in the back of the barn in a horse stall, the storm that had threatened the door was long over, his watch was long past but he still could not sleep. Restlessness, kept him awake. He got up when he heard a noise out front. It was Carol, coming in from her watch. He watched her in silence. Thinking he was hidden in the shadows, when she stopped and stared at him, a question on her face. He nodded his head motioning her too him, and she moved back towards him.

He held out his hand to her and she stopped, tilted her head, and took his own, following him in to his private corner and the blanket he'd spread on the floor. She smiled and lay down, turning on her side facing the wall. He spooned her back, bringing her flushed to his body, and suddenly he knew what he needed.

He slid his other arm under her head so she could pillow her head on his bicep. She let out a soft breathy gasp when that hand slid right down the neck line of her shirt.

She let out a soft chuckle. "So it's that kind of snuggling huh?" She whispered. He didn't answer her. He was already unbuckling her belt. His hand burrowing under the material of her pants.

"I need to make you...happy." He murmured, not really sure how to put his feelings into words. She tilted his head back, on his shoulder staring at him, somehow he felt like she could see through him, like she knew every thought that crossed his mind. "What about making you happy?" She said.

"This will make me happy,...I have some issues, I...can't ...not now." That was all he could say, the words just would not form. The good thing about Carol was she didn't push.

"Okay." She murmured and pressed her lips to his briefly. "Soon." She whispered, and he pushed his face into her neck. Pretty soon he would have no choice. He'd have to tell her, whatever the hell was happening between them would have to end. She deserved more than him, more than what he could give her and he wouldn't take that away from her. But for now, he lived for this, lived for all the noises she made, and the lived for being so close to her. If it was all he could have, he would store every memory in his mind. To cherish later.

It was long, and slow. They were taking comfort in being close to one another. He didn't take off her clothes, they couldn't risk being caught unaware. But he drew it out as long as he could, his hand between her legs, bringing her to whatever heights she needed.

He loved the way her body arched back pressing into his. He loved the way she brought her hand up and tangled in his hair. He loved the way she turned her face into his bicep to muffle her screams. It almost made him forget the way his body vibrated with unsatisfied energy. It was everything.

Afterwards he held her until she fell asleep, and long afterwards. The sun was just cresting in the windows.

XxxxxxxxxxxXxxxx

ALEXANDRIA - after the wolf attack

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He found her when the dust settled, and the settlement had been put to rights.

Carol had disappeared to her room, and he followed her, after the others had started trickling to bed. He opened the door of her room and slipped in silently. She was struggling to take of her shirt, obviously injured. She didn't stop what she was doing, but he knew she knew he was there. She was too observant, too keen to be caught unaware.

He stepped in behind her, stilling her hands, as he put his hands on the hem on her shirt, pulling it up and over her head. Her back was littered with rapidly forming bruises.

"Jesus, " he hissed through his teeth. "What happened?" He said as he ran his fingers gently along her spine.

"Not important." She said in a tight voice.

He'd had enough, every part of the day was playing on his mind. How close he had come to losing her. "Why the fuck do you always do that? Why won't you tell me what's wrong? Fuck why won't you tell me what happened with Tyreese and the girls?"

She turned her eyes blazing. "Why won't you let me touch you? Whatever this is between us Daryl, it has to be both ways, that's how a relationship works." She countered.

He stepped back, stunned. Carol was right. It was either now or never. He could tell her the truth, or he could back away.

He turned his back to her, unwilling to see her face when he spoke. "You're right, whatever this is...between us...is over."

He left her standing alone in her room, the door clicked silently behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: another chapter :)

I do not own or profit fromThe Walking Dead

Chapter 4

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

 **Alexandria**

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

He was drowning in rage. Daryl's hand placed against the bark of the tree curled inwards. He could feel his fingernails breaking, as the rough bark was practically punctured by his fingers. It was painful, very much so. He inhaled it, he lived in that pain. It was the only thing holding him back. All his rage was pouring into that pain. Taking the need to explode, the raw, unnerving energy and turning it into something else. He'd always been shit at suppressing his feelings.

This was his consequence, this was how fate rewarded him; pain for more pain. This was her but this wasn't her either, he thought with a sigh as he pushed away from the tree he'd been leaning against as he'd watched Carol and Tobin kiss. He'd needed it to keep him standing, as his knees were practically buckling. With one final look he disappeared into the darkness.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 **Carol's house outside the kingdom**

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Why'd you go?

It echoed in Daryl's head, like a repeating song that just wouldn't leave him alone. It was all he could think of while they talked before their meal. It was all he could think of when she asked what happened with Negan.

He'd put himself, what he needed, before her. Again. She'd been struggling for so long, he could see that now. He'd been so blind, for so long. Daryl had secretly been relieved by the distance she'd put between them the last few months, because he wasn't ready to tell her the truth. He just hadn't wanted to admit it to himself. She needed him, then, she needed him now. So when she asked, what happened with Negan, he'd lied. That was what she needed to hear.

He'd been preparing to leave, when she spoke again after they had eaten.

"Tobin..." Carol paused when he turned to look at her "Tobin was a distraction only." She whispered.

"A distraction from what happened with us, me and you ...and maybe I was hoping to make you realize, that.." she bit her lip as Daryl walked towards her.

"Make me realize what?" He asked his voice hoarse with emotion, unsure he could even have this conversation.

"That you and me...we should be together, in every way possible." She whispered as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "That you can talk to me. You can tell me, whatever it is that is bothering you." She pressed her forehead to his "and I can tell you." Then she told him, the whole story of her time on the road with Tyreese, and before. About Karen and David's death and how it affected her, about Rick banishing her, ...about Lizzie. All the while he held her, in the middle of the shitty run down house in the woods, clinging to her so tightly, he wasn't so sure that he could ever let her go. When she was done she buried her face in his neck, shivers wracking her body.

Suddenly, when he didn't see her face, it didn't seem so hard to open his mouth, to let the words come out. "When I was a kid, I had an accident...wasn't no accident really. Daddy lost control when he was wiping my back" He felt her squeeze him more tightly, but she didn't move. "Damn thing wrapped around me, and the buckle punctured my femoral artery...and...and gave me nerve damage...down there.." he grunted unable to come right out and say it, hoping like hell she would understand. "I don't let you touch me cause I can't...I CAN't, hasn't worked right since then...never has."he stressed the last part. She pulled back to look at him, grasping his cheeks. He could see it in her eyes, she understood.

"I felt more loved, more desired, more worshipped in one moment with you than I ever have in a lifetime with Ed. I don't care. You're so much more than that...you're everything." She whispered as she stared at him, then lowered her head and began running her lips along his neck while she murmured in his ear that she didn't care.

It most the most difficult moment of his life. He wanted nothing more than to curl his body around hers. He wanted to hold onto her and never let her go.

"I don't care." She whispered again.

"But I do...Ain't right. You deserve everything, you deserve to be happy I can't do that." He turned and opened the door, unable to look at her, as he took one step.

"You only have ever made me happy." Carol murmured

A million doubts rolled through his mind. Maybe she was right, maybe they could make it work? Maybe he was wrong. But nevertheless it couldn't be now. He turned to hug her one last time, before walking off into the darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: last chapter :)

I do not own or profit from The Walking Dead

Chapter 5

XxxxxxxXxxxxxx

Alexandria immediately after season 7 finale

Xxxxxxx

Where was she?

The smoke was clearing, they were ok, at the moment anyway, but all Daryl could think of, all he needed, was to see Carol. He'd felt her behind him during most of the battle. A serene calming presence. The knowledge that she had his back, spurring him on. He had hers too, always keenly aware of where Carol was at any given time. Except for this moment, now that the dust had settled. Rick, Ezekiel and Maggie had given their motivational speeches, they'd buried the dead, tended to the wounds of the injured, and somehow she'd slipped through Daryl's grasp. He was certain she was still in Alexandria, The Kingdom group had not headed out yet, he could hear Shiva somewhere in the distance. Daryl wasn't even sure If Carol intended to leave when that group went home. He couldn't blame her, he hadn't given her a reason to stay.

She'd come through for them again. An avenging Angel, sweeping in to rescue them when they needed her the most. That was his Carol. Daryl knew that she'd played a large role in The Kingdom's appearance. He had no doubts about that, just like he knew that the fact she was here meant Carol knew, knew that he had lied to her about Glenn, and Abraham. She'd lead the charge to fucking save them all just like he knew she would. Daryl just hoped she had not sacrificed herself in the process.

Carol was nowhere to be found and Daryl felt a panic begin to rise in his gut. Where was she? A thought struck him and it was one he could not shake from his mind. Maybe she'd been hurt, or even worse...bitten? Carol would keep it to herself, he knew that, without a doubt. She would hide her injuries or god forbid a bite, and see to it herself. Never wanting to be a burden to the group. A strangled sob bubbling up into his chest. Depriving him of oxygen, his panic drowning him in fear. Daryl needed Carol, he needed her now, and he needed to make sure she was ok.

He was running through the streets of Alexandria, now, more than a few startled worried glances sent his way considering what they had all just been through. He would only stop long enough to ask those who stopped him if they knew where she was.

It was Morgan who had known. "She went home." He'd said simply "Her words not mine, the house ya'll share. Said she needed some rest. Wanted to make sure that ya hadn't turned her room into a storage closet. "

Her room, the one next to his own. He dashed through the streets and up the stairs. No one was home Daryl wouldn't have cared anyway and all but ran to Carol's room.

Carol was sleeping. As content as can be, but obviously she'd been exhausted. The armour sat in a pile by the door all with her boots, a trail of socks and jeans and a lacy bra on the floor lead to her bed. Carol the neat freak would not leave all of that thrown so recklessly. She looked as though she had lay down on her bed for a moment and fell asleep as she was. On top of the blankets. In only a top and her underwear, all her glorious legs on display. Her glorious unmarked legs.

He scanned them quickly. No bite marks anywhere he could see, Daryl

needed to know for sure. He kicked off his boots and sat beside her on the bed. Picking her left foot up, he ran his fingers, slowly along her soft skin. Checking, every inch of her skin for injury or bites, as his trembling hands trailed upwards. Her eyelids fluttered open and she watched him, as he touched. Her eyes filled with so much emotion he had a hard time meeting her gaze.

"What are you doing?" Carol whispered, as he set her foot gently on the bed and picked up her opposite foot.

"Checking.." fuck Daryl groaned inwardly. He could barely speak. He wanted to bury his face in her neck and beg her to never leave him again.

"I'm not hurt,...or bitten." She murmured.

"I need...I need...to see for myself." He whispered and stared at her intently as she sat up. Pulling the hem of the Henly she was wearing up and over her head tossing the shirt on the floor with the rest of her discarded clothing. He pulled her into his arms, shuddering as he clung to her, his hands caressing every inch of her naked back. His breath stuttering out in hot puffs across her neck as he prayed for control. Tried to find it in himself to give her everything she needed.

His hands ran across the faint lines across her skin, old scars that had healed, and bonded the two of them together in a way he'd never thought possible. His hands traced her arms coming up, they cupped her neck, pushing her down softly to the bed, he trailed his hands down her soft warm stomach. A shudder wracking through him as he settled himself beside her. Pulling the underwear she wore down and off. On their sides now and facing each other, their mouths met, and all thought seemed to flee his mind, as his hand found it's way in between her legs and she started frantically unbuttoning buttons on his shirt. When his shirt was open, she seemed to burrow in closer, pressing her chest to his, her arms wrapped around his shoulders she buried her face in his neck, and seemed to if possible bring herself even closer, even as his fingers entered her, she ground her hips into his hand, her gasps frantic.

He felt as though he were her lifeline, she was anchoring herself to him. He could be that. He had no choice now. He could never let her go again. He let himself free one hand flexing on her back. Loving the feel of her skin against his. The thrill he seemed to feel at finally giving in, he was hers she could have every part of him he had to give, roared through his body. He was becoming uncontrolled, wanting more and more. Wanting to give her anything. Everything. He rolled her in a frantic race to her back, settling himself in the cradle of her thighs. Wanting to go down on her, bring her to orgasm with mouth on her, reaching deep inside of her, her fingers threaded through his hair, but hands came down and palmed his ass, holding him close. She was bringing herself up to meet him, grinding herself frantically against him. He was coming undone, and then she gasped. "Oh my god" she murmured in surprise. Her hands were frantically fumbling with the waistband of his jeans.

"Carol...baby.." he murmured in frustrated agony, trying to control himself. "You know I can't..."He whispered but paused in shock as her soft warm hand slid into his boxers and grabbed a straining erection. He hadn't even realized that his body had been cooperating, for once, in his life.

He had no time to loose himself in the moment or become distracted, because her hand was guiding his hard length to her opening, and she smiled softly as he buried his face in her neck and pushed himself into her. She held him tightly. Anchoring him to her as he shuddered and groaned in her arms. Panting as he madly thrust himself into her. It was her, she'd set him free. He wanted to show her how much he loved her, he wanted her to know she'd set him free. He wanted to love her, all night long but the feel of her body. The warm wet heat heat that surrounded him, the love in her eyes as she watched his face in absolute joy was to much, it was heaven. He wanted it to last forever but he would be lucky if it lasted longer than his next heartbeat.

"Love you...Can't ..won't last..." he moaned into her neck as he pounded into her.

"It's ok...Let go...I love you too." she whispered, and he did, setting himself free, he knew she wouldn't let him fall from Heaven.

Xxxxxxx

The End


End file.
